Tag Archives: safe place

Getting out The Front Door..

Getting out that front door…can be one of the hardest things I do all day, and some days I don’t even manage.

I am scared of leaving the house, its my safe, though slightly lonely and boring, place. But don’t underestimate the power of the safe place. The further I am from the house the more unsafe I feel, the more anxiety I have.

I am ok with going with my husband in the car. The car acts as a mini safe house, and usually we take familiar routes or I’m in charge of the map, and I know exactly where we are, which makes me calmer. But long trips are hard.

Its easier going outside with company I trust, then I can also manage to go further because they distract/calm me enough for me to not spend all energy on thinking about bad stuff that could happen, (fainting in a bush and not being discovered) or being in a heightened state of awareness (how long till I can get home, how much time) all the time.

But going outside myself, it’s a struggle. That door, that hallway, it’s a bottleneck for all my anxiety. What I won’t do to postpone passing through it.

I must have a drink, pee, lip balm, do I have my phone, is it charged, are the bunnies secure, I have the wrong socks, do I need a hat, what temperature is it, which route should I take, forest or road, how long, what If I meet someone, are the neighbours home to see me…

hallway

Sometimes this takes so long that it starts raining, I get hungry, decide to make dinner instead or just plain give up.

When I am finally outside I usually feel much better, and when I get walking, in nice weather with my headphones playing positive upbeat music, I sometimes even forget to be anxious. From time to time.

If I walk the same familiar route, when I know exactly how long it is, and how long it should take, I like walking.
When I get to walk totally alone, where no one can see me, I like walking.
When I feel my muscles working and feel strong, I like walking.
When I get to feel I’m one with the landscape around me, I like walking.

But the anxiety comes back when I start to feel tired, or start to think of exactly how far I have to go to get back home, how much time, how many steps.

Forest

When I walk in the forest, the anxiety lightens. I have to concentrate more not to stumble on something, there are animals to see, plants and trees, and I usually walk by my very favourite lake.

summer

Taking a break on the little run down pier and feeling the water, putting my feet in when it’s not too cold, that helps. Its like the forest has a calm, serene aura that puts a dampener on feelings, especially negative ones. And the lake gives me positive energy, enough to get home. This works best alone.

But that door…


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A Mobile Home, Like a snail

Lately I have been watching a lot of YouTube movies about people remodeling and living in their cars, vans or busses. They mostly do it to get more freedom in life, not out of need, to travel more, to spend and earn less money and therefore get more free time to do other stuff. If you don’t have to pay for a flat you suddenly have a lot less living expenses. And if you are willing to do a bit of sacrificing it seems perfectly doable and I am even a bit envious.

pexels-photo-228095

It’s very intriguing to me, the thought of always having your house with you, like a snail. 🙂  I am always in need of my home base, my safe place, and I have noticed that the car has sort of become an extension of that safe place feeling I have when I’m in my own home. When I travel It takes me a few days to get that safe feeling from a hotel room, and I am really particular about cleanliness and such. Its expensive traveling with me.
I know, somewhat sadly, that I could never live in a mobile home, my home base needs to stay put, and It needs a garden and the environment around it plays in too. And I want (not need) my things… the not so portable, sewing machine, spinning wheel and floor loom. My comfy couch with the “Frida” indent in it.

But still I am curious, how do they do it, they must feel so free. I’m sure its a lot of sacrifice too, like finding safe spots to park, and some of them don’t have showers and toilets….
And definitely not washing machines.
Laundromats is not a concept that exists in Sweden. Either you have your own machine or if you are living in a flat, they always provide a communal laundry room.  Which are usually great because the machines are huge and effective and you can get so much washing done at once, and you can leave it there to wash and go home in between since its locked. And it’s almost always very clean, otherwise someone will put up a strongly worded note!

I love watching the ingenuity of the transformation from a regular vehicle, to one with a bed, a sink, solar panels, batteries and cleverly hidden storage. They all have some personal quirk that just that person need, a foldout art table, a bit more than a primitive stove for a kitchen, a mini fridge  or a place for the dog.
Some need a big permanent bed that can double as a sofa or a place to relax and some are fine with something that unfolds at night or even a hammock. Some create really stealthy vehicles that looks like an ordinary van, so they can park almost anywhere, and some people go with the whole Winnebago thing that has a small version of everything but can only park in certain areas. And there is small budgets, big budgets and everything between.

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school-bus-to-camper-conversion

One of the aspects I’m interested in is the amount of stuff they have to get rid of when they take the final step to move in to a home like that. And just how small an amount of stuff they really need. Makes me think… maybe I should do some spring clearing out, I already did my closet. Do I really use the stuff that I have on shelves in the spare room? Will I ever use the sleeping bag again… no! Spring cleaning it is.

Here are some of the YouTubers I watch in no particular order:


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