Tag Archives: aspergers syndrome

Having a Haircut From an Aspie Point of View

I hate having my hair cut…
I hate not knowing what they are doing back there, they could be up to anything, and I hate when they tell me to take my glasses off so they can get it right by the ears. I’m practically blind without them.
Im in very great need of control, its my hair, I know exactly how I want it and I have to sit there, sharing small talk and letting them do their job…
that they have an education in…
and do everyday….
ok…
they might know what they are doing…
Maybe…

Yes, this is me with long hair. Hello!

I have had long hair for years, partly because then I didn’t have to go through the haircutting ordeal, and also, it was cheeper. And I liked my long hair. I learned to cut the tips myself.
But it was time for a change. I think I had the same hairdo for 15 years, ad or subtract bangs.

This is what I gave the hairdresser to work with. But skipping the lavender, I love the lavender, but I’m not up for the upkeep.

With the help of my sister and her very talented hairdresser friend, I took the leap and cut it all off by the shoulders… and you know… it looked great… I loved it, and she understood exactly what I wanted, talked me through it, and calmed me down, though she had to take my glasses off at one point. 😉 I loved the feeling of it skimming my shoulders.

This is me after, note the happy grin, and look how nicely I’m sitting, still wearing my glasses. 🙂

Now I have to do it all again, thats the problem with short hair. The great hairdresser is an hours drive away, so I thought I would see if the local one here is ok. Im scared, but at least the first cut is done, and she sort of just has to follow the “mould”. I don’t want to say/write it, but how bad can it go?

haircut5

So, as an aspie, what can you do to make it easier?
Well I start by telling them that I have aspergers, not everyone knows what that entails, but at least you have given them an indication that you are not the average customer.
I like to show pictures of what I had in mind, and also say that I am very particular and therefore a bit scared.
And I definitely tell them that I can barely see without my glasses and that I would appreciate it if they tell me as soon as I can put them on again.

Actually it usually goes great and becomes beautiful!

Havingn a haircut


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Getting out The Front Door..

Getting out that front door…can be one of the hardest things I do all day, and some days I don’t even manage.

I am scared of leaving the house, its my safe, though slightly lonely and boring, place. But don’t underestimate the power of the safe place. The further I am from the house the more unsafe I feel, the more anxiety I have.

I am ok with going with my husband in the car. The car acts as a mini safe house, and usually we take familiar routes or I’m in charge of the map, and I know exactly where we are, which makes me calmer. But long trips are hard.

Its easier going outside with company I trust, then I can also manage to go further because they distract/calm me enough for me to not spend all energy on thinking about bad stuff that could happen, (fainting in a bush and not being discovered) or being in a heightened state of awareness (how long till I can get home, how much time) all the time.

But going outside myself, it’s a struggle. That door, that hallway, it’s a bottleneck for all my anxiety. What I won’t do to postpone passing through it.

I must have a drink, pee, lip balm, do I have my phone, is it charged, are the bunnies secure, I have the wrong socks, do I need a hat, what temperature is it, which route should I take, forest or road, how long, what If I meet someone, are the neighbours home to see me…

hallway

Sometimes this takes so long that it starts raining, I get hungry, decide to make dinner instead or just plain give up.

When I am finally outside I usually feel much better, and when I get walking, in nice weather with my headphones playing positive upbeat music, I sometimes even forget to be anxious. From time to time.

If I walk the same familiar route, when I know exactly how long it is, and how long it should take, I like walking.
When I get to walk totally alone, where no one can see me, I like walking.
When I feel my muscles working and feel strong, I like walking.
When I get to feel I’m one with the landscape around me, I like walking.

But the anxiety comes back when I start to feel tired, or start to think of exactly how far I have to go to get back home, how much time, how many steps.

Forest

When I walk in the forest, the anxiety lightens. I have to concentrate more not to stumble on something, there are animals to see, plants and trees, and I usually walk by my very favourite lake.

summer

Taking a break on the little run down pier and feeling the water, putting my feet in when it’s not too cold, that helps. Its like the forest has a calm, serene aura that puts a dampener on feelings, especially negative ones. And the lake gives me positive energy, enough to get home. This works best alone.

But that door…


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The sounds in my head

thesoundsinmyheadNo, I don’t mean I hear voices… well I do, but its my voice. Let me explain.

I don’t know if this effects me because I have Aspergers/autism, add or just because its me. But, my head, when I think about it as my consciousness/soul, not a hollow bone balloon full of my brain, ish, sorry, is never quiet. Never.

During most of the time it/I keep up a constant monologue, a constant quiet commentary on what is happening, what should I do, is it time to eat, and what did that person mean when they said that thing the other day, with interjections like “how can the universe be infinite anyway?”. It’s kind of hard focusing on everyday things, like say cooking, when your brain is doing that, should I put the water on first, chop the vegetables or did I do something wrong at the grocery store?

Other times I get a song stuck, and I’m not sure this is the same thing as when “other” people get this. Imagine an old LP record, with a scratch in it, so you get one sentence or snippet of the lyrics over and over, with the melody hopping from the end of the section to the beginning, just like a scratched  LP, you can’t get out of that same loop, then imagine it on a very loud volume… like it’s hard to concentrate and hear your thoughts loud. Quite annoying. It takes great concentration to block that out.

bucking

And sometimes it decides to drag up things that makes me feel bad, putting myself down, and really concentrating on the bad stuff in life. “It”, what else can I call it?,  especially likes to do this when it’s time to sleep.
It did this a lot when I was little, I had a list of embarrassing or sad moments that it went through over and over again, and I was to young to understand that these things were not really embarrassing or even my fault, and nothing to feel bad about at all.

black-and-white-person-woman-girl

A positive thing about this, if you can call it that, is that it/I can totally focus on a project I’m working on and solving all the difficult problems or making it way better, it likes to do this at night too, thanks. 😉 Sometimes you just have to give up on sleep, get up, make a cup of tea and start taking notes.

But I have found ways around this problem, that I didn’t really see as a problem until I read about a mother whose daughter really suffered from this and was trying out different medication to deal with it, I just thought of it as “the way things were”.
I usually wear a pair of headphones, with an audiobook or music playing, but I have noticed that it helps to just put them on, because I sometimes forget to start a book or the music. Funny.

It took some time to find a pair of headphones that I could wear for so many hours each day without hurting, and I must say that Bose is superior in both comfort and sound, and if you can afford a pair of active noise canceling ones, they are heaven.
I first tried a pair on in a busy electronics store, I stood facing the wall with the display, I put them on and flicked the switch, and the whole store just disappeared. I just stood there with my eyes closed and enjoyed the silence, yes, I got silence, I didn’t even try with the music on, lets just say I got a pair.

cq5dam.web.320.320

At night I wear a pair of Sleepphones, it’s a headband of soft fleece with super thin speakers inside, and you can comfortably rest your ear on the pillow with them on. I do recommend the cordless ones, it’s a bit disconcerting to wake up with a cord wrapped around your neck (not that it ever was dangerous), and the cord tended to break too. I prefer to drift of to a book at night. I don’t really need to listen through headphones though, but then my husband doesn’t have to hear snippets of a book every night.

The sounds/monologue is not always a problem though, often it is in sync with what I am doing and helps me work out problems and how to go about stuff, then I have to turn the book or music off and listen and be “one with my head”, and when I have finished thinking and is back to doing things that doesent need my brain that much I put the book/music back on again. 🙂

Featured image from pexels by: Scott Webb


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Lets get deep and important shall we…

After some thinking and being inspired partly by the honesty of Shanny from Educating Shanny, a YouTube channel about recovering from an eating disorder, and Emanique from The Cutting Cookies Circus, a blog where she writes blatantly honestly and inspiringly about her personal journey including Aspergers, I have realised that I am not going the way I had planned for this blog. It is choppy, jumping from subject to subject and not personal at all. I promised that this would be a way for you to get to know me better and I don’t think I live up to that. You get to see glimpses, but not the deep and important truths. Lets get deep and important shall we.

I have had a post hanging for quite a while now, it’s about a normal day for me, Aspergers, add, medication and all, but it´s just getting longer and longer because I don’t have a filtering system for whats important and not, so I write about everything. I guess because everything is equally important to me, and leaving any out would feel false. I think it’s just going to have to be long, and its coming up next!

Anyway, I’m going to start sharing, among the sewing and bunnies, the life of a 35-year-old woman with Aspergers, ADD, anxiety and panic issues.

Holly Golightly: Do you think she’s talented, deeply and importantly talented?
Paul Varjak: No. Amusingly and superficially talented, yes. But deeply and importantly, no.”
From Breakfast at Tiffany´s


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